Peter's Eulogy
It has been my incredible honour and privilege to be friend, lover, wife, co-parent and fellow traveller to my beloved, Peter.
Those of us who have been so lucky to know Peter well know what a special, intelligent, witty, straight talking, courageous, committed, humorous and loving soul he was (and dare I say still is).
First Peter and I were friends. We shared bottles of Belgium ale in the local café in Fairfax, Ca. and walked in the redwood forests. A couple of years after we first met we went for a walk on a ridge overlooking the Pacific Ocean that changed our lives. From that moment on we became linked as lovers. Ours was a gradual process. Peter and I didn’t have the experience so much of falling in love like we had had with previous relationships. Our experience was one of growing into love and I believe it was the friendship and commitment that our love was based in that allowed our love to grow such deep roots.
I am eternally grateful to Peter for so much personal healing that has evolved in me through our connection. Peter and I had our rough spots and issues like any couple in an intimate and alive relationship does. But what was so healing for me was that Peter never withdrew his under-lying love even when he spoke directly to my shortcomings. He accepted me and loved me through and through. I came to trust that I could be all of myself… even the not so great bits… and still be loved… what an amazing gift.
Peter was definitely a seeker in his way and had tremendous capacity for commitment and change. He lived his life with integrity. Once Peter knew with clarity that he needed to shift something within himself for the sake of growth he would let go of the old and embrace the new with precision, totality and follow through. He was great at stepping up to the plate whenever life truly upped the ante. His bottom line was Love as evidenced in his writings we will hear today.
He was both passionate and laid back. When I would find myself frustrated or bemused by him he would tell me he was an enigma wrapped in a riddle. My experience was one of feeling incredibly interconnected and intimate with Peter while simultaneously aware that there was yet more to him that would remain a mystery. Perhaps that feeling was partly due to the fact that he was a thinker and could go off into deep spaces and thought processes in his mind. Peter’s sharp intellect coupled with his sexy good looks held me completely captivated.
One of our saving graces early on in our relationship was Peter’s ability to make me laugh. He was delighted by that ability. I remember watching the grass grow tall in our garden in California over a period of a few weeks when I was quite pregnant with Chloe. I didn’t want to nag but things were getting out of hand and I was getting annoyed. Finally I asked him when he was going to cut the grass. He replied, “We have grass???”
Of course I cannot talk about Peter without talking about our two beautiful children, Chloe and Dylan. When Peter asked me to be his life partner he said, “I know this will include children in our future.” Just over a month later we found out I was pregnant with Chloe. We always joked that she dove in before we could change our minds.
Peter has been a beautiful father… present, loving, clear, affectionate and fun. He fought for his life to the best of his ability because he so deeply loved his children and so desperately wanted to see them grow into adulthood. Peter is gone from his earthly body but we will always be able to find some of Peter’s essence in the sparkle in Chloe and Dylan’s eyes, the beating of their hearts and in their mannerisms and intelligence. The children and I know that the love and warmth they have shared with their Papa can never be taken away by anybody or anything… not even death.
Peter showed an amazing courage and equanimity through out his journey with cancer. He remained certain in his intention to live right up to his last breath and yet he always seemed to be in deep acceptance of wherever the journey might lead him.
His illness has been a catalyst for many creating a huge ripple effect radiating out and around the globe. Painful though my personal loss is I have come to understand that gifts and blessings have been produced out of Peter’s journey. Peter never was much of a gift giver in regards to trinkets and material things yet he has given me the most magnificent gifts beyond what I ever could have imagined or hoped for. The love we shared and the life that came through our union and became Chloe and Dylan, the path we treaded side by side and my maturing into a woman are the greatest gifts of my life.
Peter and I and our children could not have walked this journey as we have with out you, our family and community. I have been continuously moved by the generosity and outpouring of love and support that has been so freely given to us by you. You rock. Thank you doesn’t due justice to my gratefulness.
I would like to take a moment to say thank you to the grandparents present… my mother, Sonja… for having the good intuition to come sooner than we originally discussed and for being willing to help out in whatever way necessary. And to you HG, for being a steady support from the beginning and an incredible safety net… it is because of your generosity that Peter and I and the children could continue to live our daily lives in much the same way that we did prior to Peter’s illness. Thank you. And you Jane… thank you for following your gut and taking the risks that you have in the last two years to get here. Peter was proud of you. As for me I couldn’t have provided Peter and my children what they needed and deserved in these last couple of months nor could I have kept my sanity with out you. I will always feel an especially deep bond with you through our partnership in caring for Peter in his final weeks. Thank you for your gracefulness in being willing to support my wishes as dictated by Peter… or my heart, especially in the past few days.
My beloved Peter, we took the fast track and covered a lot of ground in the past eight years as a couple. It is impossible to believe you are really gone. My heart has a deep ache and my body yearns to embrace you. I feel your love present in me. You have lived well and there is no doubt that you fulfilled your mission in this life… You HAVE increased the love in the world. You will live in my heart forever and for always for you are my dear one.
See pictures from the days surrounding the celebration.
Enjoy Peter and his family in some video.
