Peter Lalor

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July 19, 2005

Please continue to send love and light for the best possible outcome for Peter.

Dearest Family and Friends,

I am writing you from the Royal Brisbane Hospital. Some of you may know that Peter has been unwell for the past 5 weeks or so. As I wrote in the last update a cyst had been found as well as something under the area of the cyst that appeared like tumour re-growth. Our various alternative and faith healers were either still confident in Peter's health or unable to give us much information. Given that we have been coming to Brisbane every two weeks for the dentritic cell vaccine trial which includes an MRI we were being watchful and felt we would know with more certainty what was happening once we got the next PET scan in a couple of weeks time.

Peter had his 4th dentritic cell vaccine on the 29th of June. In the evening of the 30th he developed a severe headache that wouldn't respond to normal pain medication and didn't abate on its own. Vomiting ensued and he didn't eat or even drink much for several days. That was the period of time that the neuro surgeon doing the vaccine trial thought he was having an immune response. Peter spent a 24 hour period in the local hospital getting re-hydrated by IV and was given dexamethasone, a steroid, to bring down inflammation in the brain. He stopped vomiting, his seizures were under better control and he perked up a fair bit though his headaches were still quite severe. Because we thought it to be an immune response, he was weaned off of the dexamethasone after a few days.

During this time I felt quite frightened because I had the distinct feeling that Peter was slipping through my hands. Peter on the other hand was still adamant that he was simply having a healing response and that he didn't have cancer anymore. One of our intuitive healers who has been very helpful to us told us that Peter had various psychic level things going on but she didn't get any resonance for tumour re-growth. She could pick up a chemical in Peter's brain however that came through a food sauce. I didn't think much of this at first given that Peter has only eaten organic foods hand made at home and no processed food for months. She continued on though with the date which he would have ingested this sauce and lo and behold when I opened my calendar I remembered our previous drive home from Brisbane and my need for a break. The only option was a Thai restaurant and we had two dishes both with sauces. It seemed too accurate to not be true. She felt that if we followed a particular protocol Peter's headache would clear in a week. She may have been correct about picking up a chemical in Peter's brain but she was wrong in her assessment that it was the cause of Peter's severe headache. A week later on July 15th we brought a very sick Peter to Brisbane for his MRI. I packed an overnight bag for him because I knew he was going to need a drip again. I imagined that the cyst was growing and causing problems. It only took me a fraction of a second when the first MRI scan went up to see the real and terrifying problem. The little bit of something under the cyst had turned into a huge and obvious tumour. It was shocking to see how this thing had grown in two weeks time. Bush fire.

Peter was admitted into the hospital and was fairly incoherent by the time they got the drip into him. The neurosurgeon on call showed up very quickly. She let me know in no uncertain terms that Peter was in grave danger. The re- growth has turned into a glioblastoma multi forme .... grade IV... the most aggressive and lethal of all brain tumours. Without surgery followed as quickly as safe and possible by radiation treatment she told me Peter had days to weeks left to live, not months. When I looked at him and thought back over the last few weeks I knew she was right.

The next 24 hours were very rough. Peter stabilised well in terms of his symptoms but he felt strongly that he wanted to go home. He thought we could still beat this through alternative means. The way he was talking was not grounded in reality of what was obvious in the here and now. We had some painful and difficult talks. The neuro surgeon was clear and frank while heartful and compassionate. She encouraged Peter to continue doing the various things we feel may support his health or create a miracle but to also include surgery and radiation therapy as a proven method to buy more time.

Peter has decided to have another surgery. The alternative is almost certain death within a few weeks. Hopefully the surgery will go well and give us more time together as a family to feel we have had as satisfying a good bye as possible. Perhaps other ways of supporting Peter's health beyond the myriad of alternative ways we have already tried will arise and give us even more time.

Life is asking Peter and I and those close to us to be a very big container right now. On one hand it is time to face the stark probability of Peter's early death so that we don't miss the opportunity to complete with each other and say all that we want to say. On the other hand we have to keep believing in and living life. We have to be open to miracles with out wasting precious time on blindly chasing them. We have to live until we say good bye.

Peter's surgery is scheduled for this coming Wednesday, July 20th (Tuesday, 19th in the USA). It seems like they will begin around noon time. I will try to update as I know more. The surgeons expect it to go well in terms of preserving Peter's quality of life for the near future. I feel very confident in the surgeon doing the procedure and Peter does too.

I am somewhat numb as I write this. I do not have the time nor the inclination to go into more than the outline at the moment.

Please continue to send love and light for the best possible outcome for Peter. He is being amazing with all that is happening as usual. He is my hero and my beloved. I love him forever and for always.

Thank you for your support, prayers and well wishes,

Much love to you all,

Jennifer

Posted by Peter at July 19, 2005 03:56 PM

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